finding my compass

Revisiting the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

2009-09-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

I read Stephen R. Covey's book almost a decade ago. I'm revisiting the 7 Habits workbook and finding it insightful and applicable in new ways. It is insightful because a lot of the notes I wrote in the margins back them are the same as I'd list them today and others are not. The areas where I am still seeing the same obstacles or similar circumstances are the areas where I have not grown as I would have expected. That is a bad thing. However, knowing that and seeing it through the lens of time helps me see what hasn't worked. I don't want to be too vague but I also don't want to share the specific item I'm thinking of. Let's just say... if you're doing the same thing and getting the same result... well, you know the saying. Time to try something different, maybe even radically different! This also highlights the importance of realistic and measurable goals. Without an actionable plan you will not make progress. Without a measurable goal you will not know when you've reached your destination. And having a dream with no plan will lead you nowhere. So in 10 years I'm still going around the same dumb mountain, in some areas.

If you just want to "lose weight" I can assure you that is not specific enough to be effective. If you really want to lose weight you need to determine how many pounds or inches you want to lose, the time it will require in your daily schedule as well as over the longer term, how you will change your nutritional habits to help achieve the goal, how you will increase your exercise routine, what size Citizens of Humanity jeans you want to fit, how much money you'll need to budget for this goal, who will watch your kids while you work out, how you will inform yourself on healthy living as you make progress. In other words, be specific! Otherwise you will end up wanting to "lose weight" all of your life and always feeling like a failure because you didn't "lose weight".

So I will return to the process of developing habits that are in line with my values and this time with a renewed focus. I've really gotten a lot of enjoyment and satisfaction out of seeing the areas where I have made progress, where the combination of knowledge, skill and desire really developed a new habit and a new result in my life.

OK- Going to read about Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind.

Better Place

2009-09-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

I just saw this new car technology on the Colbert Report and I love it! I can't wait for it to be available in the US!

The car is 100% powered by lithium battery. That means it does not use any gasoline, at all! I really like that.

Here's the link to the company, Better Place: www.betterplace.com

Character Makeover

2009-05-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

It seems the economy has been the subject of every article published in the last 9 months. And this too, will start with the state of the economy. All things going on - no need to re-list them here, have got me thinking. All of this talk about simplifying, the new Target commercials about "it's a new day", is leading a real back-to-basics revolution at my house.

I've actually looked at my budget and my spending. I've looked at how I spend my time and my money. I've reviewed my work, why I do it, how I do it. And I've been reading Character Makeover by Katie Brazelton. My favorite response was from my friend who said, "You don't need that book!"

I am flattered! But, I do need it! It's a Christian book that details God's expectations of our character. I remember hearing a lot about character when I was a kid. I was supposed to be generous and compassionate and honest and humble. But I wasn't really taught boundaries that well so my current assessment is that I was introduced to those topics too young, before it was meaningful or in a way that didn't apply at the time. Now, well, now I've had several decades of experience. Now I know what I would do in almost any situation if I went with my own first response. Now I know what that leads to, all too well.

But this book has done a nice job of reintroducing God's view of character. It starts with humility, but not in a self-deprecating way. Humility in God's eyes, in the context of God and all of his creation. Humility relative to Him. Once I realize how tiny I am compared to everything else and at the same time realize how much I am loved in spite of being so tiny and so sinful, well that is quite a realization.

The book takes you through confidence, courage, self-control, patience, contentment, generosity and perseverance - God's way.

It took me a while to get through the chapters that focus on things I struggle with. Patience was a particularly long and painful chapter. Every ounce of me yelled out, "WHAT! ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" at almost every page. Patience? Yuck! Self-control was no picnic either because it listed a dozen ways I lack self-control, that I wasn't even aware of. That's on top of the items that I was aware of! Contentment and generosity were very eye-opening because I think I'm content, happy with my lot in life. I thought I was generous. But, looking at those character traits through the eyes of God, through the filter of the Bible I realize I have a lot of room to grow.

One key thing to mention: I don't feel condemned! Even after reading all that I should be, and all that I'm not yet, I could have easily felt depressed, condemned and thought, well, why even bother! But, "therefore there is now no condemnation" for those who are saved. I've learned that God convicts us, but never condemns us. He can use this book to prod me, to alert me, to inspire me to see ways in which I could grow. But, it is not His intention to have me feel defeated, purposeless, useless or ruined beyond repair.

God is my God, Lord and Savior! And He is interested in the smallest details of my life!

I'd recommend the book for anyone who is hitting the pause button in life. Anyone willing to go back to basics and re-discover the freedom and joy in living the smallest details of your life according to God's direction.

Is gold a good color?

2008-11-21T09:16:00.000-08:00

I had a lesson in relativity from a home improvement project. This will seem trivial, but bear with me.

The living room was originally a nasty, bland, diluted Sand Beige done by the original builder. I picked a new color with lots of intensity partly because I had a white sofa. The color was a deep, dark, and turns out, depressing, blue. It wasn't bad until I decided to re-paint. And then everyone who walked into my house gasped a great big, "Wow. That blue was really bad!" Lesson 1: sometimes a situation can be really bad and you don't realize it until you're in a really good situation, also known as hind-sight. Once you have the good situation, you know you will never go back to the bad, under any circumstances.

The second color I painted ellicted the words "bile" and "Shrek" in the first stroke. It looked like a mucus-ey yellow green. After the room was painted and dried, it was a less atrocious shade of green. Instead, it was a cheery, Spring-like, happy green. It went perfectly with the new sofas: creamy, yellow, green with pops of cherry color and a hint of a lattice, flowers and leaves in the pattern. I was so happy. Until I wasn't happy anymore. Lesson 2: A custom solution is only perfect for that specific problem. A generic solution while not ideal for the particular problem, will be more effective and flexible in the long term.

The couches were hand-me-downs and I grew anxious of getting our own brand new couches. So we went out and got our own brand new couches. They are wide and comfortable and stately and grown-up at the same time. They're a funny color that looks olive green in one light and goldish brown in another light. The coordinating chair is the best part of it all, it's so cute. So emerged the new dilemma, what color to paint the walls?

I tried a gray-olive green. I tried a light goldish yellow. I tried a very dark gray-tan. Putty. Blue. Tan. Nothing.

I finally took a leap of faith, got a gallon of "Hathaway Gold" and painted the entire living room. No more test patches. It was beautiful in the can, beautiful on the walls. I thought I was done. Then the following morning I came down the stairs and was BLINDED BY THE LIVING ROOM.

It was so bright. Urgh. I'm tired of painting. I'm keeping the gold. The chocolate/olive/gold/paisley couches will have to learn to get along with the gold. I'm not coming home with yet another color only to find out it is neither good or bad, it is simply relative to its surroundings.

Lesson 3: Everything's relative.

Choosing

2008-09-11T08:58:00.000-07:00

Choose your battles.

Choose wisely.

Choose one.

Whether you're the President or a student, every one of us makes choices every day. We choose what to wear, how to style our hair, what to believe in, how to behave. We choose our spouse, our home, our sofas, every day we choose something. Usually we think through our options, prioritize what is important to us, and we try to choose the option that will best meet our needs. Sometimes we wear an outfit that we will regret immensely ten years later or even one day later. We may choose to behave in a manner that may come back to haunt us at some point in the future. Of course, some choices are much bigger than others and will have consequences that are inescapable.

I wonder to what extent the principles of choosing described above apply to choosing a career? I guess it would make sense to say that when choosing a career we... think through our options, prioritize what is important to us, and we try to choose the option that will best meet our needs. That sounds so simple.

Thinking through your options
The truth is that choosing a career is more complicated than that. For starters, thinking through your options. If you are a kid in high school or even a college graduate, you may take a guess at your options but, unless you've been exposed to a wide variety of industries and day-to-day job types, then how do you even know what your options are? Elementary school students may view career options as limited to doctors, lawyers, fire fighters, police officers, teachers and whatever their mother and father do for a living. Coincidentally, those options exist in their mind because that is what they have been exposed to.

What were you exposed to in middle school and high school? School counselors, janitors, principals, clergy, photographers, fast food cashiers, retail jobs. Maybe you happen to fall into a vocational program so you are exposed to some skill or trade like beautician, mechanic, carpenter, office assistant. But doesn't that sound like 1950? How many carpenters do you know? How relevant are those job titles to today's workforce?

A lot of times, and in my case, the only options you consider are those that are familiar through family and close friends. My siblings were quite successful in business, so I chose to go into business. My friends were choosing degrees in Management Information Systems, so that was my major. Things turned out just fine ultimately, but being a passive follower is not, by any means, the best way to live life.

Prioritize what is important
What do you value? What are your objectives for working at all? Do you crave power, wealth, influence, a sense of significance, attention, structure, control, or maybe even a simple desire to survive. The need to survive, to feed and clothe ourselves and our children often drive our career choices. I don't believe there is anything wrong with that. And there is probably still a lot of room to wiggle around within that profession as you grow and develop additional needs.

It takes a great deal of self-knowledge that most of us do not have to understand what really motivates us, what really drives us. When I took my first job as a secretary my only objectives were to pay rent and finish school. I took that first job offer, not thinking that it would impact the next job as much as it has. I believed that I would take this job, put myself through school, and then interview for a different type of job and move on. It turns out I never did "find a good time" to make a drastic move and stayed in the same organization for almost 10 years.

Do some soul searching, analyze your transcripts, pay attention to the moments when you feel happiest, most free. Note what you do with your free time and ask yourself why that activity attracts you.

Be realistic. Do not blind yourself into thinking that being a pilot would be awesome if you intend to have a family. If you value your routines, like going to church on Sunday, don't become a news reporter. Your values will develop and change as you get older but there are some pretty big, fundamental items that you probably know about yourself even at a young age. You can become a doctor if you'd like, but pay attention to your affinity to chemistry, biology and the hard sciences. If you hate school, would it be realistic to set your sights on being a professor?

Choose the option that meets your needs
This is where you match up what is out there with what you need to take from it. Maybe you know you want to relocate to a big city and you love financially-based thinking, it would make sense to pursue investment banking. This act of "choosing" is only as good as the previous two steps -- do you know what your options are? do you know what you value?

I can see why there are a million resources out there on the topic of careers. There is so much to consider.

One resource I have really enjoyed is iMapMyCareer.com. This tool analyzes you based on the way you answer a series of questions and then gives you a report clueing you in on your own strengths, needs, your ideal environment and the ways in which you would react to a poor career choice. I was a bit embarassed when I read that part of my profile. I recognized the behaviors immediately as the things I instinctively do when I am miserable on the job.

I've got some soul searching to do.

Procrastination is meaningful

2008-09-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

I have not posted any more entries about career planning since August 14th. At the time of that post I was sure I would be spewing out 3 new posts over the following three days sharing my career planning enlightment (read with sarcasm) in a most confident tone. Obviously, that hasn't happened. I had several ideas, and as I tried to think through them I kept getting scared that I was going in the wrong direction, that I wouldn't have enough to write or that the sky would fall, whatever the fear, it was definitely fear that kept me from posting. In this instance, as in many others, my procrastination is meaningful. Procrastination is indicative of fear - fear of not knowing how to start, fearing of sounding stupid, fear of not being credible.

Anyway, the procrastination comes to an end now.

What career planning?

2008-08-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks I've had my annual visit from the career fairy. The part of my brain that questions whether I could do more, wonders whether I chose the right profession, right degree, right company, etc etc. I spend part of the time second-guessing every decision I've ever made. Then I spend another part of the time hating my current job because it is not serving my every wish. And finally, I spend much of the time dreaming. Dreaming of the ideal job, the ideal life, how do I really desire to live, what do I envision. This is all very fun for me. However, it is not very productive. I rarely emerge with a conclusion or any change. Instead, I usually emerge with a headache and dumb mental numbness that just lands me watching comedy after comedy. Not very useful.

My intent in writing this so publicly is to have some accountability to do or conclude something, rather than just theorize. I will break this up into a few posts partly because it would be too long in one post, and also because I'd come off as completely schizophrenic if I attempted to express all of those thoughts in one post.

Look for the next several posts on career planning, lack thereof, consequences and lessons learned, including links to the many online resources available for the modern day careerist. Cheers.

Why it is OK to fail

2008-06-30T08:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend, in between laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, groceries and a potentially excessive consumption of a drink called Nutty Irishman I continued to think through my regret.

My domestic routine forced me to stop obsessively Google-ing people and gave me the space to think. I have decided I cannot count it as a complete loss. I am not sugar-coating or rationalizing. All I am saying is that while it can be considered a failure, there are always great lessons in failure. Here are some of the lessons learned.

1. A fair analysis of failure requires the perspective of time (hindsight). If you are in the middle of making your own mistake, or in the midst of dealing with the fallout, now is not the time to analyze. Failure - and the types of circumstances that happen to us in that spot - requires that you survive it. You cannot fail and then quit. If you fail, you have to keeping moving. Keep living. A failure in life cannot hold you down. Survival will likely be your natural instinct, and that instinct is there for a reason. Eventually you will look back and see the situation for what it was, only one piece of your story. Seeing that event in the context of your life at a different stage will bring an entirely new perspective.

2. Failure humbles you. In my particular case, at 16, I was a spoiled brat. I had worked hard and made excellent grades in high school, held a job, graduated a year early, blah blah blah. The problem really was that I was very full of myself. I thought I was the greatest for having done so much. I believed I was smarter than my parents. Maybe that is all teenagers. And I went off to an out of state college thinking that success was the only option. When I did get a chance to come home for a holiday I mouthed off to my mother so bad that she slapped me. No exaggeration. I was 18 years old, treating my mom like she was a mere freshman. I absolutely got what I deserved. After my second year I had to come home, get a job, go to night school. It was a far cry from what I'd set out to do. It is good to learn that sometimes we don't get what we want. Things don't go as planned. Life is not perfect. We are not always adequately prepared. Humility is not a popular value in our culture, but it is essential.

3. What you did when you were 16 doesn't count, to some extent. It turns out that what you did when you were 16 can be forgotten and forgiven - more easily if there is no criminal record. People recognize that a teenager is full of unmerited optimism and a seemingly endless supply of energy. In my case, the adults in my life did not try to kill my dreamy goals and desires. Instead they waited it out, hoping that I would succeed but willing to love and accept me just the same if I did not. I have had plenty of opportunities since then to do something good for the people I stepped all over, to share my experiences with the next generation, to generally not be such a butt. At any age, one event can be overlooked or be less dramatic in the context of the rest of our lives.

4. Growth is not possible without pain/failure. This one is perhaps more conventional, but still true. Had I not been exposed to this school, I would know nothing about east coast culture, perhaps never would have seen New York city. I would not understand the palpable historic relevance of Philadelphia. Never known why Jersey gets such a bad rap. Would not have vacationed in Miami. I would have missed out on the cafeteria-tray-rides on the snow. I would have missed out on the clear Pennsylvania sky, bright stars on that perfect Spring night when a bunch of us laid out on a hill and sang songs together. No one was inebriated. I am a big city girl, that was the first time I had seen a shooting star. I would never have known someone who was so passionate about: autism, horses, literature, philosophy, music, civil rights, education. The list could go on forever. I met people at this school who cared about something and did something about it. They were go-getters. Those are good people to know, even if for a moment, because they can inspire you to be active rather than passive. They can inspire hope; hope that good can influence our world.

Still, even with all of the lessons learned, I hope my successes outnumber my failures!

Throwing away an opportunity of a lifetime.

2008-06-23T22:39:00.001-07:00

I am up at 1am, thinking. I went to a very prestigious liberal arts college for two years, before I quit. For some reason tonight I cannot stop thinking about the recruiter I first spoke to, the first visit, the first student I met during that visit. I can't stop thinking about the staff who encouraged me and helped me participate in a summer internship in public service. The math professor who invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with her family because she knew I would not be able to fly home for the holiday. The professor who gave me a C on a paper about the American Dream. The people I disrespected and the behavior I sometimes displayed are now very embarassing. I was just a kid. I was 16. I had no idea what was going on around me. I was so behind everyone else. I was lost. In hindsight I see that I was lost, shy, quiet, loud at stupid times, highly insecure and without guidance, without a true advisor. I remember the night one of my best friends really really intended to kill himself. The nights when he or I could not sleep and we would walk around the perimeter of the campus until we grew tired. I remember the roommate whose father lent me money for boarding costs. I am haunted with regret over that entire period of my life. I could have taken advantage of that opportunity but instead I threw it away. I hate having regret. I have to find a way to come to terms with that piece of history. I need to make sense of all of this somehow. Where is the lesson learned? How can I turn that particular part of my story into something positive? I will figure this out and blog about it. Soon.

Your child's common sense

2008-06-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

My mother had me and all of my siblings attend Sunday School class every single Sunday for at least 15 years.

What does a child at age 1, 5, 10 learn from Sunday School? What does a 12-year-old learn? Albert Einstein once said that common sense is defined as the set of prejudices we have by the age of 12.

Whatever it is that a child learns by that age is what will always feel natural and right to that child. Let's limit our discussion to church, faith, religion and/or spirituality. Depending on the parents, a child might learn that church is required every Sunday. And there must be some consequence if not followed through. A child may learn that prayer is something we do quietly in our bedrooms only at night time. Depending on the parents, a child may learn that the best way to praise God is to shout and sing and dance. Or maybe the child learns that religion is an interesting historical fact that in today's context only creates division and war. A child may learn that the Bible is a book some people used to read. A child may learn to accept other people's interpretations or to impose their own beliefs on others. Depending on the parent's instruction and guidance a child learns all of his common sense by the time he is 12.

King Kong would have me think that one's religion is a personal choice that only a well-informed adult can make. And while it is acceptable to share your own beliefs with your child, it is imperative to let them choose their own way. I would argue that what you teach your child (whether it is acceptance, fanaticism, apathy, disbelief) is complete by age 12. There is no amount of education or discussion that can happen in their adult lives that could possibly have the impact of an entire childhood spent in a certain pattern or habit.

King Kong and I finally agree on that point.

However, does that necessarily mean that we should raise our children in the religion we believe in? In the form of praise we are comfortable with? In the core values and beliefs we live by? That is a tricky question. I would like to think that I am not shoving anything down my child's throat. I would like to think that what I teach them is the best way for them and that it could not be used for harm. But isn't that what the fundamentalists think? Isn't that why there is compound in Texas housing an entire generation of isolated children in some time warp? And that is why young Muslim men can come to believe that mass killing and committing suicide in the name of their god is honorable.

The last two statements are clearly biased. I am placing my own value and judgment on others. Maybe the Jeffs have a right to raise their children in the way they believe best. But I have to say that I have a right to my opinion. Maybe I don't have the right to invade their home without cause or to take custody of their children (assuming there is no criminal activity). But I always have a right to my opinion. I don't think that what they are doing will have the intended effect on their children.

So do we teach our kids nothing? Is not mentioning religion or faith or prayer at all really the answer? Based in the fear of harming my child by teaching him the wrong thing, should I not teach him at all? Is that statement limited to religion or does it apply to morals too? Would I be a bad parent if I did not teach my kid not to steal? Would I be shoving something down his throat by teaching him not to lie?

No it is not OK to determine not to teach your kids anything. That's a fallacy. Whatever we do during their childhood is, in fact, one big lesson. They're going to learn something. You are teaching them their version of common sense, whether you mean to or not.

I've got a million other thoughts on the topic, but that will have to wait for another post. What do you think? What do you think your kids will learn from their childhood? Do you do things with them hoping to purposefully instill values or beliefs? Do you know other parents who do something different from you? Should your guiding principle be your child's life, mind and soul or should it be something more broad, like world peace? Must the two be at odds or is their a way to achieve harmony in those two goals?

I'd love to hear your feedback.

Look! It's Super Woman!

2008-06-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

That's how I feel today. I am super woman! And so is every other woman who multi-tasks to the n-th degree in order to keep all the pieces of life glued together. Today I will not whine or lament. Today I will pat myself on the back.

As my little Franklin Covey will tell you, I am managing a household quite effectively right now. First up, my step-sons are staying with us for the summer. I have a full-time job, even if it is working from home, so I cannot care for them during the day. With some crafty negotiations with other moms and friends I have managed to find them something fun to do every day so far. They've been swimming twice, they've been to the lake once and tonight they're going to watch a new movie. Week 1 has been a success. And since everything is planned, I know the rest of the summer will be good too. This weekend we are headed to visit my in-laws for a 3-year old birthday party. The kids have something to nice to wear, our gift will be bought on Friday, according to my planner. Sunday we have tickets to visit the Downtown Aquarium in Houston. We've never been, so we're all looking forward to it. We're planning to go on a camping trip in a few weeks. And we're taking a full-on 5-day vacation at the beach at the end of the summer.

Today is the 19th, which means all of our bills got paid on Monday, the 16th. Everything about our bill paying process has been simplified and automated. It takes no time at all to check off a few things and balance the checkbook on payday. The family also has a well-documented (but not too restrictive) budget and everyone has a common understanding of our limits. We know what we can and cannot afford to. And if we mess up then we are also aware of the trade-offs we're making (read: no camping or shorter vacation etc, etc). For the first time in my married life our spending decisions are not driven by guilt (my husband's guilt for the trauma the kids go through presumably due to the divorce from their mother), or by a need for their acceptance and approval. We are living within our means and I am loving that. The kids are learning that there are lots of fun things to do besides go to amusement parks. And I am learning that it can actually be really fun to watch them run around in the backyard chasing each other with water guns through the sprinkler - without worry about the water bill. Also, we have a no-soda rule, because we don't want over-sugared kids all day and night. We drink a lot of water instead. So, the no-soda rule is actually helping me lose weight. I told you I am super woman!!

My work to-do list in Microsoft OneNote is organized, prioritized and almost completely done for this week. I had a couple of PMO meetings this week, a mid-year review with my boss, and some project planning meetings. It's been the kind of week that is light on meetings, leaving valuable chunks of time to get real work done.

My husband has had a packed lunch (told you, we're on a budget!) and breakfast most of this week. He is up at 4:30am and out the door by 5, so that is quite the accomplishment for me, being that I'm a notoriously dedicated sleeper. My family has had a home-cooked meal 3 of the last 4 nights. Even though I'm cooking from a healthy cookbook, I magically have every ingredient I need because - thanks to my Franklin Covey - I have planned weekly menus and grocery shopping lists.

I surprised my husband yesterday with a special gift - the gift of not having to cut the grass. I had someone come by to cut, edge, blow and water the lawn. It looks perfect. I loved seeing the look of relief on his face when he drove in from work. He is a happy man.

All in all, I feel good. I'm happy. And I think every woman in the world should feel a great sense of accomplishment. Because every mother and wife out there is doing the same as I or more. Some of you may be thinking, 'no way I don't have a menu and shopping list; I throw together whatever I can at the end of the work day'. And others may be making a mental list of all the things you do which I did not list, thinking "she's patting herself on the back for that?" Well, don't sell yourself short. You do a lot. And it is good to sit back and acknowledge it.

Did I mention the house cleaning, laundry, dishwashing, weed-pulling, closet organizing, trash removing, thank you note sending, book lending, phone calling, empathizing, connecting we do? What else would you add to the list?

Socially conscious cell phone service

2008-05-27T15:22:00.001-07:00

Apparently, you can do something as easy as switch your cell phone provider to do something socially conscious. This company has raised over $60 million over the years. According to the site, 1% of every minute billed goes to nonprofits like the ACLU, Greenpeace and Global Fund for Women. Sounds effortless.

Twitter Blacklist!

2008-05-09T08:42:00.000-07:00

I still can't figure out the value of Twitter. But I find it interesting that someone has taken the time to create a Twitter blacklist. Sounds like you can get spammed, tele-marketed and such out in the Twitter world. At lease someone has come up with a solution. That's one of the perks of not being an early adopter.

The Attention Crash

2008-05-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

I recently read an old post by Steve Rubel about "The Attention Crash". I found a word, a label for something I've been feeling since my second year in corporate America. How to keep up with all the intranet updates, organizational announcements, emails, meetings, news, market changes... and now blogs, social networks and new technology (like Twitter). It's all a bit much. And that's just online media - what happens to books, magazines, newspapers? Who has time to read all of that? Is trading books for social networking a wise change? Probably not. There's a time and place for each of those. Well, maybe not time. I find myself deliberately turning off the tv, the radio, the laptop, and just sitting quietly with a book. Then it feels like a chore - I have to finish this book so that I can go update my status on Facebook, and put this book on my "read" list in GoodReads.

Anyway, it will come down to choosing the tools that really function as tools. What are the things that actually make your day better, funnier, or more efficient?

For me the list currently stands at Microsoft Outlook combined with Xobni, Microsoft SharePoint, Jabber Instant Messenger, my blog, iGoogle, Google Reader, LinkedIn, Yahoo Mail, My Yahoo, Yahoo Messenger, del.icio.us, GoodReads, Amazon wish list and maybe Facebook. (I'm apparently in company of a dying breed of Yahoo users.) Why wouldn't I be techno-exhausted? I'll need to shave that list a bit. What do you use? Do you think any of your 'productivity' tools could be consolidated?

Blogging Ethics

2008-05-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

As the blogging becomes further and further addictive I've started to question whether I am blogging ethically. I wonder if it can be considered 'defaming of character' to speak negatively about certain people. Would that be avoided if I just don't write something that could personally identify them? I have removed any references to my place of residence and all first names. I've given everyone I speak of a code name, as it seems to be done on many other blogs. But, that seems sort of cowardly. If I am talking about someone in code, is that like talking behind their back? If I am referring to them in a public forum, should I be writing something I wouldn't want them to read?
I took a quick look at my favorite blogs and ran across this. What are your thoughts?

I am a newly inspired CSM

2008-04-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

After months and months of looking online for some kind of support, I found it! Thanks to Stepmother's Milk I have hooked up with a host of online communities for step mothers. The best of them all was a site dedicated to Childless Stepmothers, hence the CSM acronym. I had no idea this acronym existed. I really thought I was the only person in this situation, since no one in my circle of friends is in the same spot - a stepmother in her first marriage who doesn't have any biological or adopted children of her own. Every time I'd talk to someone about it I found myself feeling like I was trying to one-up them; as in, "yeah I know you are stressed as the mom of an active 3 year old, but my situation is worse because I don't have this deep bond with them that you have with yours" or "because I don't.... ". My points were valid but it still felt selfish and self-centered. I had real feelings, concerns and unique problems but they were not validated so I just felt crazy. I'd been reading up on blogs and articles about WAHMs or SAHMs but that didn't quite fit. Now I have my own acronym!! I feel validated. I am very excited to know there is a community of CSMs out there.

A useful observation from the stepmom sites is that most have code names for their family members, presumably to keep things anonymous and have the freedom to write our feelings without compromising our personal relationships, or other people's right to privacy. So I will be coming up with my own cast of characters to mirror my real life. You'll see that my previous blogs will be updated to reflect that.

Happy to know I am not alone!
CSM CiCi

So it begins

2008-04-09T16:03:00.001-07:00

Who stresses about an event that is 9 months away? I am stressed about the fact that my husband is scheduled to leave for his third tour to Iraq in 9 months. It feels like he just got home. Why is he leaving again?

It was a simple conversation today that started it all. Where do you want to go for our anniversary trip? We have to plan it for the Spring because I'll be in training all of June, most of July and then I will be out of state all of September. Why so much training this summer? Because we're gearing up to head back to Iraq in January 2009. Oh, right.

That's how the conversation went. A million things go through our heads. Our last deployment did not go well by any stretch of the most optimistic person's imagination. Does he have to go? He's moving and shaking trying to make something happen so he is not deployable but, with a high degree of certainty, he'll probably have to go anyway. What will I do while he's gone this time? How to stay busy, engaged, not depressed? Maybe I'll go visit some new city once per month. Spend a week there and check out the sites. How will I cope when the seasons change and he's still not home. Last time, that's what really got me. When he left in 2006 Fall ended rather quickly. Winter came and went, same for Spring, Summer, Fall arrived again and exited. A full year, a full cycle. And one more Winter, one more Christmas, one more birthday, one more New Year's Eve without him. He finally returned in January of 2008. It's only April now we're back to talking about him leaving again.

So I'm moody, he is frustrated, I make it difficult, he doesn't know how to diffuse this situation. And now he is gone. Left the house to run an errand or something. And -already- the deployment hasn't even started and I'm already tempted to say hello to my friend, Ambien.

Estella

Ketchup is not free in Germany

2008-04-09T09:17:00.000-07:00

I learned a few interesting tidbits while I was in Europe last month. Most interestingly, ketchup is not free in Germany. You'll order your meal by pointing if you weren't lucky enough to get an English-speaking cashier. Caution: this is hard to accomplish in the drive-thru; go inside! Then the cashier will offer mayonnaise for your fries. Mayonnaise? Yes, apparently combining the worst foods ever, mayonnaise and french fries, is OK to do in Germany. There is no FDA warning of ominous disease like high cholesterol, heart attack, heart disease, etc. So eat up. Anyway, after you say 'nien' to the mayonnaise, the cashier will ask if you want ketchup. If you answer affirmatively they will proceed to hit a button on the register to charge you for it! Next the single packet will go on your tray or in your bag. And there you have it. That's how I learned that ketchup is not free in Germany. I found it very odd while I was there but when I came home and found a mountain of ketchup packets accumulated on the kitchen table as evidence of how many times my husband had eaten out while I was gone, well, it suddenly made more sense then passing them out for free by the bucket.

Parisian streetside

2008-04-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

I thought I would hate Paris. And I did but only for the first day. I hated it because I did not understand a single spoken word; not a single written word. If you want to feel really stupid go to a country where you do not speak the language. Day 2 in Paris was awesome though. The Eiffel tower is much larger than I'd expected. But then again I'm not sure exactly what I expected. Typical pictures of the tower are from afar and showing the whole tower in the best lighting of the day or night. But standing under it alters your perspective, revealing the underbelly of the massive industrial, steel art-form that it is.

The fashion is amazing. Sometimes you think a city gets a reputation and the reputation sticks even if it is no longer true but this place still deserves its reputation. The women wore some amazingly risky and daring clothes although hardly anyone was showing skin. One woman was wearing sparkly red wide leg trousers with a huge cuff, some evil tall boots, a coat and her hair in a the shape of some kind of contraption. And she looked good! Lots of women wore intriguing, perfectly worn, flat riding boots. First major purchase I make when I get back home! There was no one wearing Coach anything.

My favorite part was the futbol fans who were celebrating the latest win and caused a happy riot in the plaza.

Biggest Loser

2008-03-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

Just got back from vacation and feeling pretty big from all the vacation food. I have a business trip in a couple of weeks and my husband has a physical assessment to complete soon; he's in the military. For all of these reasons we've decided to focus on improving our lifestyle. I'm a huge fan of the traditional weight-loss formula; that is, gradually consume less calories plus burn more calories. Google has a pretty good article on that topic: Lose 5 Pounds in 5 Weeks - wikiHow. We officially started today. I made scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast. The egg was cooked in very little vegetable oil and had just a pinch of salt and pepper. The toast was a whole wheat bread. My husband had orange juice and I had a latte, very little sugar. I packed him a few snacks for the day - fresh strawberries, a granola bar, a banana and a yogurt, as well as, 3 bottles of water - which he drank and refilled. Since then he's eaten all of his snacks and I've had a spring salad, an apple, a banana and another latte. I think we're off to a good start. It's almost dinner time so I'll need to find a good recipe for the orange roughy fish I bought last night.
The other part of the equation is that we're supposed to get an evening walk in every day. He already ran 2 miles this morning. I don't know that I'll be able to keep up with him on that end! Wish us luck!!!

Short Notice Vacation

2008-03-07T06:28:00.000-08:00

Is it going to happen after all!
The excitement of getting out of the house and out of the state is becoming palpable in my house. We've waited until the very last minute to decide we are taking a Spring Break vacation this year. It's been a difficult year for all of us - we deserve this now more than ever. But as last-minute planning goes, it's been a bargain hunting frenzy. We're going to Orlando for the first time. I was able to score an amazing deal on our hotel stay and we'll drive there to save money on airfare. We've got the best deal we could find - no taxes! - on discounted Universal Studios tickets.

This will put my 3 sons, my husband and I in a van for over 30 hours in the next 7 days. It will be memorable! Whether it's good or bad memories I don't know yet. The road won't let us down. Someone will have to barf, someone will have to pee while we're in the middle of nowhere and then will do so on the side of the road. Someone will slobber on their pillow as we drive through the night and then live through the next day's heckling. Someone will be scared to death by someone else's driving. Someone will undoubtedly pick up an annoying habit at the precise moment when there's nothing the rest of us can do about it except listen since we're all stuck in the car together. One such annoyance is the yelling of the word "banana" every time a yellow car is spotted. Maybe someone will have a song stuck in there head and feel compelled to sing it out loud. Songs aren't that bad. It's the jingle I fear. I can almost hear the "Quizno's Subs!", "I'm loving it" or even worse, "Whooooo lives in a pineapple under the sea?!" If you're a parent you know exactly who lives in a pineapple under the sea, and you know the names of all of his friends and all his frenemies. Better yet, there will be some quiet moment when 3 of the 5 of us are sleeping - hopefully not the driver - and the only other person awake will have a good, soul-connecting, genuine conversation with the other. We'll build memories.

So tomorrow we head off to our Spring Break vacation. I can hardly wait to enjoy the smell of coconut sunblock lotion, sounds of seagulls and roller-coaster-screams and taste of oversized soft pretzels and funnel cake.

-Cici

Testing my writing skills

2008-02-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

I'm testing my writing skills with this here fancy blog spotting tool. How'd I do for my first post? -Cici